I went to NMU last Fall. While it was the worst mistake of my life, it was also the greatest thing I've ever done. How could that be, you ask? Well while I was up there I met the man of my dreams and figured out "what I want to do with my life." Cliche? Yes. Untrue? No. But it also has me $14,000 in debt. While I do not want to play the blame game and drop some names, I can honestly say that debt is not my fault. I worked my ass off to fix everything, but it was not up to me. I essentially sat at NMU at the end of the semester watching my life go down the toilet bowl. Trying to apply for loans made things even worse. Now my credit score has been looked at too many times. At the end of the semester I did what everyone else had to do and then some. I said good bye to some of the greatest people I have ever met, broke a record with LB, and moved out of my 12x12 home.
This brings me to Winter Break. LB came down on the 24th where his truck broke down. But that is geting fixed very soon! Then there was Christmas. That was... well, Christmas. And New Years. And on January 5th, 2013, I realized I was depressed. I was away from all of my friends, my LB, I felt like I had no future, I felt I was alone, my mom and family were acting as if they didn't want me, but I knew that was just because I wasn't SUPPOSED to be there. I know everyone "felt bad" for me. It was like everyone was in a pool and while I was on the bottom drowning, I was watching everyone above me swimming towards a better future. That feeling blows. I can honestly say it was the worst 4 months of my life. And what's worse is I didn't tell anyone or seek help. I just woke up, went to work, came home, "ate", watched TV, went to bed, repeat. I was doing nothing to help myself, but the issue was I didn't know how. I would have told my mom, but I didn't want her to think I was blaming her. This is the first time I have come out and said I was depressed. LB knows and that's it. Well, until you happened upon this. I swear there is a happy ending! On top of the lack of motive for living, I was threatened with ovarian cancer. I basically felt like some higher power was telling me I was not meant to live on this Earth anymore. They took away my reason to live then gave me a way to die. Now that sounded a lot more morbid then I meant. Anyways, it wasn't cancer. It was, well, a "thing" as my Dr. put it. Basically a benign thing. Awesome right? Well they took out the ovary, and yes, I still have a normal reproductive system. I swear I get asked that once a month.
Then, in the middle of my third visit to NMU, on the trail of recovering from my ovary removal surgery, April 27th, the depression was over. Basically a phone call with my mom changed everything. I started by looking at LSSU, which is up in the U.P. so I could be close to LB and all my friends. But I just... No. Ugly. On the way back down to West Michigan we (LB and Mr. Wilson) stopped at a hotel. There I decided on EMU. I fell in love over the internet. And while the boys went to sleep, I stayed up till about 4 in the morning planning my life. But like everything else, plans changed.
Once I got back my hours at the Lakeview CDC (the daycare I work at) picked up... A LOT. Next week I am working 31 hours!!!! More on that later. I realized I should work. Working is good. Money good. I also went and got my learners permit!! I am currently driving whenever I can (which is essentially to work) and when I feel confident enough, I will take the road test. I am saving for a car, now. So with all of that happening, I kind of came to the decision KCC would be a better option. It would save more money and I would be able to work, too. I won't be able to get 30 hours a week, but some hours are better than no hours.
Well now you all know the real, honest, true story of what happened. Soon I will post what is going on now. I appreciate it if you actually took the time to read all of that.
-Much Liking, Always,
Kennedy Smith
That is just life I guess. Hope it turns out great for you.
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